Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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