Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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