I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
