I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
