Your dad touched me again.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
