The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
