I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
