This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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