Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
