Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
