ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
