Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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