I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
