My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
