dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
