I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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