I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
