i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
