This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
