SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
