when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
