the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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