It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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