Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
