is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
