So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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