1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
