if only i could text you this smell
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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