Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
