I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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