Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
