Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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