This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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