I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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