I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
