i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
