All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
