Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
