youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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