Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
high people should be assigned attendants
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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