The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Welp...herpes.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
