Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
