So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
