I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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