I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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