sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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