We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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