I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
