i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
