Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
