nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
