Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
